He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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