So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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