that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
