You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
