I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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