Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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