hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
