You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize