Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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