I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
