i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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