i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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