I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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