she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
