i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
