Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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