Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
