i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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