remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
