You're a womanizer and a bitch.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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