Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize