I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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