My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
