can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
