He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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