Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
