If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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