im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
