So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
