peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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