apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
