So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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