Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize