He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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