tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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