So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
