I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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