Christians are straight up FREAKS
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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