He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need a beard to bite.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
