I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
