There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
