he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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