My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
