You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
