No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
