Your face is a jimmy john
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
