I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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