On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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