You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
