By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
