Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
