The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
