My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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