You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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