My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
