If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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