I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is Oprah even human
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
