yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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