She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
