The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
