I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
