so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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