honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
