Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need water and some morals
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
