i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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