Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
