You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
