dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize