It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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