I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
