You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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