u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
