just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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