so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
