hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
