You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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