What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize