Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize