I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
