i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
