Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
