I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
