Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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