me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
