you have to choose: penises or morals?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize