so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
