I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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