I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
