too bad you live with your parents still
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
