Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
