Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
