Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
