Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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