i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
