where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
