She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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