Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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